Okay… I was running the other day… for those of you who exercise regularly… your mind wanders- we seem to be pseudo-intellectuals when we are outside running, right? LOL.
Was running Thursday morning… I had my dog Dozer with me… For those of you who don’t know, Dozer is a German Shepherd/Lab mix with a touch of Malamute… means, big paws, loves to run… the regimen I am on will tire him out… 9 mile runs (one way) will tire anybody out. In any case, I got to thinking about a lot of things, and one thing stuck out in my mind. My past. I came from what I like to call “less than nothing”. Homeless, on the streets at various times. I am not a victim- I’m telling ya’ll a story. I remember how it was in Atlanta… roaches everywhere. No money… my moms working all the time. Then we move down to a small town south of A-Town. Grantville, GA is one of those towns that is so small, it has more cats than people. I’m not making this up. Got to thinking about quite a few embarrassing, painful things. Got to thinking about a few dumb things… From 1987-1996… then from ’96 to 2003. On and on it went… until I got to 2009, when I changed my life forever (joining the military). I was seemingly whisked away to memory lane… every word… every emotion… I could feel them in the pit of my stomach… only interrupted by traffic and by those fearing a big Black dude (5-11 261lbs) having a black dog on a leash (Dozer is about 3 1/2 ft, tall and weighs about 90 lbs) LOL. It is what it is… anyway, I can see and hear the people in my life at the time… every one of them… I can almost hear the laughs, the tone, the pitch in their voices… remembering the girls I went on dates with, how they smelled, what they were listening to when I first met them, etc.At times, I dream about my past. I have come an extremely long way… too many times, I got caught up in my past, trying to cover it up, etc.. it doesn’t work. I am appreciative of my memory, as I can use that to become more cognizant of myself… I tend to use the past for my education… not so much as some “cautionary tale”, as most people do… I have come to the conclusion that most people are what we Southerners call “scary”. Why run from your past? It’s not easy… but you do get used to the pain… Life is pain.. oftentimes bitter and hard to deal with. So many times in my life, I would have been better off confronting things instead of trying to limp away, even hiding from them. Problems never just go away. I can honestly say that my POV with dealing with my past and my problems, etc… has made me a better man. The question I pose to all of you in cyberspace is how far have YOU come?