Recently I was privy to a full-on argument… this guy I know and his wife. The guy a vet, cannot find a job, while his wife is constantly berating him, trying to mold HIM into what she wants him to be. So many of these arguments seem to be nothing more than her having a temper tantrum- and he seems to give in, or so he tells us. When I sit down and talk to him, he says all the right things as far as him claiming his manhood back. Over and over again, he gives into his silly, delusional, probably feminist-indoctrinated wife. He does have a child with her… he has done various researching his options (divorce, sole custody of their daughter). He is alone- a lot… his wife doesn’t spend time with him, always walking the dogs, hanging out with friends. The rest of our group have basically given up on him, calling him a loser, a SIMP (Sucker Idolizing Mediocre P*SSY)… they believe he will not do anything. He tells me about all his dreams, his goals and his visions for the future. I have helped him get back on his feet mentally. He almost had a nervous breakdown once, crying uncontrollably. I had to remind him of just who he was. The man is on the edge… at times I wonder just how he is going to make it. I am sure he has some tricks up his sleeve. I encourage him constantly to read, pray and just be himself. He will get through this and be a great dad to his daughter, I’m sure of it.
In any case, I look at him, then I look at my own life. I pose myself this question everyday, and I will pose it to you: What are you doing to make your life one that will be one that is talked about after you are gone?
Okay… I was running the other day… for those of you who exercise regularly… your mind wanders- we seem to be pseudo-intellectuals when we are outside running, right? LOL.
Was running Thursday morning… I had my dog Dozer with me… For those of you who don’t know, Dozer is a German Shepherd/Lab mix with a touch of Malamute… means, big paws, loves to run… the regimen I am on will tire him out… 9 mile runs (one way) will tire anybody out. In any case, I got to thinking about a lot of things, and one thing stuck out in my mind. My past. I came from what I like to call “less than nothing”. Homeless, on the streets at various times. I am not a victim- I’m telling ya’ll a story. I remember how it was in Atlanta… roaches everywhere. No money… my moms working all the time. Then we move down to a small town south of A-Town. Grantville, GA is one of those towns that is so small, it has more cats than people. I’m not making this up. Got to thinking about quite a few embarrassing, painful things. Got to thinking about a few dumb things… From 1987-1996… then from ’96 to 2003. On and on it went… until I got to 2009, when I changed my life forever (joining the military). I was seemingly whisked away to memory lane… every word… every emotion… I could feel them in the pit of my stomach… only interrupted by traffic and by those fearing a big Black dude (5-11 261lbs) having a black dog on a leash (Dozer is about 3 1/2 ft, tall and weighs about 90 lbs) LOL. It is what it is… anyway, I can see and hear the people in my life at the time… every one of them… I can almost hear the laughs, the tone, the pitch in their voices… remembering the girls I went on dates with, how they smelled, what they were listening to when I first met them, etc.At times, I dream about my past. I have come an extremely long way… too many times, I got caught up in my past, trying to cover it up, etc.. it doesn’t work. I am appreciative of my memory, as I can use that to become more cognizant of myself… I tend to use the past for my education… not so much as some “cautionary tale”, as most people do… I have come to the conclusion that most people are what we Southerners call “scary”. Why run from your past? It’s not easy… but you do get used to the pain… Life is pain.. oftentimes bitter and hard to deal with. So many times in my life, I would have been better off confronting things instead of trying to limp away, even hiding from them. Problems never just go away. I can honestly say that my POV with dealing with my past and my problems, etc… has made me a better man. The question I pose to all of you in cyberspace is how far have YOU come?
I was driving down the street the other day after my workout… I got to thinking all the “what ifs”, etc… I got to thinking about women I was involved with… and what life would be like if had married each woman as opposed to my current wife. As some of you know, I like my women curvy… not skinny as a rail… and they have to have a mind of their own. With that being said, I was riding home and was reminiscing of past relationships. I have been a man who never discriminated in his dating choices. I have dated Black, White, Spanish, Asian women. I got to thinking about all of them. Thinking of them, got me to thinking about my evolution as a man. I went from wanting big-breasted, wide-hipped, big butt having sluts to marrying a pretty average young woman (I am 9 years older than my wife). Nothing wrong with average, come to find out, things can be very adventrous (in the bedroom and out). In so many ways, I saw myself growing from a sex-crazed youngster who wanted nothing but big titties in his face and rough sex into a man who loves his family. Realizing that, even though I am 37, it’s humbling. I see quite a few guys my age and older still trying to play the field. Not something I want for my life… I am not judging those guys, just illustrating the differences. My younger brother, who is 35, is still living by the Players’ Code. In my opinion, it is time for him to hang it up and move on to the next chapter of his life. I am not perfect, I just have learned from a lot of the stupid crap I did when I was younger. Thanks for travelling down memory lane with me.