Life in tha 77316 part 2

Seems as if EVERYTHING I have known has been turned on its ear- I am serious… so many of the thing I have grown to know, or learned along the way- has been decimated, disproven, made obsolete, etc. It is really a case of me either growing up… or everything changing… the candy-coated topping of life has melted… and given way to undeniable truth.

Up from darkness, into the light

Like from the time I was 30/31… things were herky-jerky- meaning either things were in a constant flux, or they were so slow, I had to create circumstances so I could feel involved in my own life. And I got used to that… I knew it wasn’t normal, or even safe for my life… but it just seemed right for the moment, just how things were. Like there wasn’t a way out. So that drug on for a few more years… Just now, about a month, 45 days ago… I was doing some heavy praying, reading Scripture. Reading more books (self-help books). Revelation upon revelation had come upon me… I mean it was a lot like a faceade was ripped off of me… like I grew out of my skin- that gave me the inspiration to once again try for  trainer license… more blogs… more everything.

I was sitting in church the other week, praying- like I was growing out my skin… and it has continued… life as I have known it- is over.


LIFE in tha 77316

Been doing a lot of soul-searching lately… I wanna get my life straight…after doing just that, I came to several conclusions about myself: I really did a number on myself with making myself an outcast, atheism, satanism… and my tastes in women. I seriously took inventory of everything… and even in my tastes in women… I contend that since I didn’t think much of myself, I basically went to the big girls as a means of having ‘a safe bet’… not realizing it was ME I was hurting- b/c I wasn’t doing myself justice… self-preservation is a cop-out… I am not perfect… but i have really been longing to improve my life and my family’s life… struggle is the name of the game…

Bottom line, I will continue to ‘peel back the layers’ on me, and make things happen in that regard…

Also, with all this going on, Ima get this stuff done… I am really excited about what the future holds for me… as things change for me, as I become a mogul (yes I said it- yer boy gone EPIC)

But back to this ‘peeling back the layers’ thing- I am really my worst critic… I will say things about myself that even my most vehement haters (and there are PLENTY of em, the world over) wouldn’t say about me….

Having that mindset crafted by dealing with adversity, fighting a ‘loser mentality’… this is really something I been needing to get off my chest. Dealing with abuse, alcoholism, et al, in my family.. I ended up being a punching bag in school (til I had a 9-inch growth spurt in 11th grade)…

As much as I hate to say it, it DID toughen me up- esp in this PC era… people are so weak-minded, thinking everything should be handed to them on a silver platter. Our society lacks toughness simply b/c everything is sanitized, gynofied and PC’d up.

I am more resolved than ever to be the best man I can become… husband, father, son…